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We have all launched ourselves on the road to happiness. We are obsessed with the pursuit of it, but all too often, we become discouraged. We struggle and bumble our way along, but somehow happiness continues to elude us.
Part of the problem is that the term, happiness, is kind of vague. We set off on our search for it before we know what it is or how to obtain it. Many of us have created a monster with our relentless pursuit of happiness. We’ve chosen this broad and mighty goal “HAPPINESS” and then we set about trying to achieve it by eliminating all of the negative aspects of our lives, identifying our one true passion, divining our life’s purpose and setting out to achieve our life’s dreams…all before lunch. Then we wonder why it isn’t working.
And yet, it is true that the pursuit of happiness is worth the effort. Research has shown that positive emotions have not just the benefit of momentary pleasure, but of long-term well-being also. Positive emotions bring us pleasure, counteract the damaging effects of negative emotions, build resilience and promote long-term physical and emotional health. (See my prior post on The Power of Positive Emotions) We don’t want to give up on happiness, but we do need to find an easier way.
As we all know, when we have a big goal, it helps to break it down into smaller pieces. If we think of happiness as an overarching emotional state that is created by the presence of other, positive emotions, the process of achieving happiness becomes less daunting.
Joy, contentedness, love, interest, and satisfaction are some of the positive emotions that lead us to feel happy. The more we experience these positive emotions, the happier we’ll be.
Easy so far, right? But how do we cultivate positive emotions? That’s easy too, if you’re willing to let it be.
When we engage in activities or spend time with people (or animals) that we like, we tend to feel positive emotions. You might experience joy when you tickle your baby and make him smile, or feel interest when you read the editorial section of the paper or feel content when you snuggle up with your husband to watch a movie. There are many things in our lives that generate positive emotions. Simply put, the more time you spend engaged in activities that induce positive emotion, the more positive emotion you will feel and the more likely you will be to achieve an overall sense of happiness.
To get you started I’ve included a very generic list of ideas for ways that you can invite more positive emotion into your life. You will, of course, put your own, personal spin on these and identify the specific people or activities that will bring about positive emotion in you. These are just ideas to get you started thinking:
Exercise.
Okay, no groaning now. Exercise, beyond making you more fit, also brings about the release of endorphins. This is a “feel good” chemical that is produced in your body. Now come on, who doesn’t want to feel good? You might like lifting weights or running or prefer to join a local basketball league. Any moderately strenuous physical activity counts.
Spend Time With Others.
Time spent with people (not just any people, but upbeat, positive people) can bring about feelings of joy, love, interest etc. Go out with your friends, visit with family, chat with the mailman. Don’t feel like talking? Just smile at people once in a while…when they smile back, which they will do most of the time, see if it doesn’t make you feel good.
Don’t forget your animal friends either. Playing with the dog, watching the birds or rabbits in the back yard or even chatting with your son’s pet hamster can make you feel more content or even make you laugh. (Yes, I do talk to my son’s hamster and my daughter’s as well…is that a problem?)
Quiet Your Mind.
Formal meditation, prayer or even just sitting with your eyes closed for a few minutes can bring about relaxation and a sense of inner peace.
Spend Time in Nature.
I’ve written ad nauseum about the benefits of time spent in nature over at BetweenUsGirls. Suffice it to say that nature, whether a hike in the woods or simply gazing at the river from your office window, can bring about relaxation, feelings of connectedness, and even spark creativity. While there is much research to prove that time in or near nature has a positive impact on mood, I am sure that you don’t need proof. It isn’t often that I run across a person who hasn’t experienced the soothing effects of nature for his- or herself.
Express Yourself.
Creative expression of any kind (art, crafts, cooking, decorating, writing) can bring along a great deal of positive emotion. Your work doesn’t have to be good…you just have to enjoy doing it.
Have Fun.
This might mean making more time for your hobbies, taking up a new hobby, spending more time with friends or quick-and-easy activities like seeing a movie, going to a concert or texting back and forth with someone who always makes you laugh. Anything that engages your interest or makes you laugh or smile.
Volunteer Work.
Quite often, doing things that help others, brings feelings of joy and accomplishment. Making someone else feel good often makes us feel just as good.
Now, there you go. Seven very good general ideas that can be made into a multitude of specific ones for generating positive emotion. I’m sure that now that you’re thinking, you’ll come up with some other original ideas. If you do, share them with us…please!
The older I get, the more that I realize that it really is the little things that make us happy. Becoming a happier person doesn’t have to be hard work. Remember, one step at a time. Have lunch with a friend, take a walk in the woods, play with the dog, see a funny movie. Every time you engage in an activity that peaks your interest, makes you smile or gets your endorphins flowing, it’s like money in the bank. A little laugh here, a loving hug there and before you know it you’ve become the happy person you’ve always wanted to be without hardly trying.
我们一直在人生的路上寻找幸福。为了它，我们不顾一切，然而大多时候，我们变得灰心丧气。我们越是努力的去寻找它，幸福越是离我们远去。
一部分原因是我们对幸福的含义认识模糊造成的。我们在不清楚什么是幸福和如何获得幸福的情况下就开始了对幸福的盲目追求。在对幸福的麻木的追求中，我们中的大多数已经变得畸形。我们选择了一个广泛而有力的目标“幸福”，然后我们努力去实现它并且排除生活中所有的消极因素，认清我们生命中唯一真正的激情，预言生活的本质，实现生命的梦想... ...所有的这些都在午饭之前进行。然后我们再考虑为什么根本不起作用呢。
诚然，对幸福的追求是需要付出努力的。研究人员指出积极的情绪并非获益于短暂的愉悦而是长久的康乐安宁。积极的情绪带给我们愉悦，低调掉消极情绪的破坏性，锻炼成为有弹性且增长的长期的身体和精神健康。（见我的上篇邮件：积极情感的力量）我们不会希望放弃追求幸福，但我们需要更为简单的途径。
众所周知，如果我们有一个长远的目标，把它分解为多部分是很有用的。如果我们把幸福看作是一种由积极的情感所产生的支配性情感的状态的话，那么对幸福的追求就会变得轻松许多。
欢乐，满足，爱，兴趣和满意都是能使我们感受到快乐的积极情感。我们对这些积极的情感感受的越多，我们就会变得越快乐。
到目前为止是很简单的，不是吗？但是我们应该如何培养积极地情感呢？这当然也很简单，如果你愿意去做的话。
当我们与喜欢的人（或动物）在一起做一些事情或呆在一起的时候，我们会感受到积极的情绪。你或许给你的小孩子挠痒痒逗他笑的时候体验过乐趣，或者在读报纸上的一篇社论的时候感到很有趣，或者跟丈夫依偎着一起看电影的时候感到满足。在我们的生活中无时无刻不产生着积极地情感。简单的说，你花越多的时间去做一些包含积极情感的事情，你就会感受到越多的积极情感，你就会得到越多的幸福感。
为了帮助你开始，我收集了一些能够帮你从生活中找到积极情感的方法并组成下列表单。你将会通过你自己个人的调整来鉴别能够带给你积极情绪的一些特定的人或事。方法如下：
运动
好了，不要表现出满不在乎的样子。运动，不仅仅是使你保持体型那么简单，它可以带来内啡肽的释放。这是你的身体所产生的“愉悦感”的化学物质。让我们继续，谁不想感觉愉悦呢？你或许喜欢举重，跑步或者参加当地的篮球队。任何一种适度紧张的体育运动都是可以的。
与他人相处
多花时间与他人在一起（并不是任何人，而是乐观积极的人），可以带给你欢乐，爱，乐趣。与朋友们一起出游，拜访他人的家庭，与邮递员聊天。不喜欢聊天？那就偶尔对他们微笑......当他们冲你微笑的时候，他们的大部分时间里会这么做，看是否会让你感受到愉悦。
当然也不要忘记你的动物朋友们。与狗狗玩耍，在后院看看鸟儿和小兔子，或者与你儿子的宠物仓鼠聊聊天，这些都可以使你感受到满足或让你开怀大笑。（对！我要跟儿子的仓鼠聊天和女儿的...这难道是问题？）
平静内心
真正的冥思，祈祷或只是闭目养神几分钟都可以带给你轻松感和内心的平静。
接近自然
我曾经在BetweenUsGirls上写过一篇关于与自然相处的文章。在自然中尽量的舒展自己，不管是在丛林中的徒步旅行或者仅仅是在办公室窗外远眺河流，都可以带给你轻松感，平衡感甚至朝气蓬勃的感觉。尽管在自然中或靠近自然是否会对情绪有积极的作用有待进一步研究认证，我想你就不需要验证了吧。我几乎从来没有遇到一个接近自然却没有感受到舒缓体验的人。
表达自己
创造性表达其中的任何一种（艺术，雕刻，烹饪，装饰，书画）都会带给你积极地情感。你不需要去做的多好，只需要从中得到乐趣。
找乐子
就是说你要多花点时间来做你所爱好的事情，找到一个新的爱好，多花点时间跟朋友在一起或者做一些简单而灵活的事情，例如去看一场电影，去听一场音乐会或者跟某个总能逗你开心大笑的人发短信。无论哪个都能使你保持兴趣或者让你微笑甚至大笑。
义工
通常来说，帮助别人能给自己带来愉悦感和成就感。这就是送人玫瑰，手留余香的道理吧。
现在开始去执行吧！在追求积极的情绪的过程中，七条浅显易懂的道理会演变成众多的个例。我相信既然你会思考，你就会有其他独创性的想法。如果你有，请让我们一起分享吧......
年纪愈大，我愈能真正体会到是小事让我们开心。要成为一个快乐的人并不需要做出多伟大的事儿。记住，循序渐进。与好友一起进餐，在树林里散步，与狗狗戏耍，看一场搞笑的电影。每次你在做引发你兴趣的事情的时候都会使你开心的微笑或者使你的内啡肽得以释放，就好像在银行存钱一样。一次开怀大笑，一次真心的拥抱，不知不觉中你已经轻松成为你曾梦想过的快乐的人。
