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How many times have you gotten upset because someone wasn't doing their job, because your child isn't behaving, because your partner or friend isn't living up to his or her end of the bargain?
How many times have you been irritated when someone doesn't do things the way you're used to? Or when you've planned something carefully and things didn't go as you'd hoped?
This kind of anger and irritation happens to all of us - it's part of the human experience.
One thing that irritates me is when people talk during a movie. Or cut me off in traffic. Or don't wash their dishes after eating. Actually, I have a lot of these little annoyances - don't we all?
And it isn't always easy to find peace when you've become upset or irritated.
Let me let you in on a little secret to finding peace of mind:see the glass as already broken.
See, the cause of our stress, anger and irritation is that things don't go the way we like, the way we expect them to. Think of how many times this has been true for you.
And so the solution is simple: expect things to go wrong, expect things to be different than we hoped or planned, expect the unexpected to happen. And accept it.
One quick example: on our recent trip to Japan, I told my kids to expect things to go wrong - they always do on a trip. I told them, "See it as part of the adventure."
And this worked like a charm. When we inevitably took the wrong train on a foreign-language subway system, or when it rained on the day we went to Disney Sea, or when we took three trains and walked 10 blocks only to find the National Children's Castle closed on Mondays … they said, "It's part of the adventure!" And it was all OK - we didn't get too bothered.
So when the nice glass you bought inevitably falls and breaks, someday, you might get upset. But not if you see the glass as already broken, from the day you get it. You know it'll break someday, so from the beginning, see it as already broken. Be a time-traveler, or someone with time-traveling vision, and see the future of this glass, from this moment until it inevitably breaks.
And when it breaks, you won't be upset or sad - because it was already broken, from the day you got it. And you'll realize that every moment you have with it is precious.
Expect your child to mess up - all children do. And don't get so upset when they mess up, when they don't do what they're "supposed" to do … because they're supposed to mess up.
Expect your partner to be less than perfect.
Expect your friend to not show up sometimes.
Expect things to go not according to plan.
Expect people to be rude sometimes.
Expect coworkers not to come through sometimes.
Expect roommates not to wash their dishes or pick up their clothes, sometimes.
Expect the glass to break.
And accept it.
You won't change these inevitable facts - they will happen, eventually. And if you expect it to happen - even see it as already happening, before it happens - you won't get so upset.
You won't overreact. You'll respond appropriately, but not overreact. You can talk to the person about their behavior, and ask them kindly to consider your feelings when they do this … but you won't get overly emotional and blow things out of proportion.
You'll smile, and think, "I expected that to happen. The glass was already broken. And I accept that."
You'll have peace of mind. And that, my friends, is a welcome surprise.
多少次，你因为有些人不做他们的工作而生气，因为你的孩子表现不好而生气，因为你的伙伴或朋友不遵守他们的诺言而生气？
又有多少次，你因为一些人没有按照你的习惯做事而恼怒？或者因为你的详细计划最终没有实现而烦恼？
这些烦恼发生在我们每个人的生活中，这是一种必然的人生体验。
有一些让我烦恼的事儿，比如有人在我看电影时聊天，或者在谈话途中挂我电话，或者用餐后不清洗盘子。事实上，我有许多类似的小烦恼，大家都一样，不是么？
而且每当碰到类似的烦恼时，我们都很难平静下来。
那么，让我告诉你一个让自己平静下来的秘密方法吧：告诉自己杯子已经碎了。
其实，我们的压力，怒气等都是因为事情没有按我们希望的方式发生。想想是不是这样。
那么，如果是这样的话，解决办法其实很简单：主观的期望事情失败，期望事情按照我们不希望的方向发展，期望我们讨厌的结果发生。然后接受它。
举一个简单的例子：我和孩子们去日本旅游时，我告诉他们像每次旅游一样的期望旅途不顺利。我告诉他们，"这是冒险的一部分".
后来这魔术般的生效了。当不可避免的事情发生，比如我们在日文地铁系统中坐错车，还有在我们去迪斯尼海洋前下了大雨，还有我们做了三趟地铁，又步行了10 个街区却发现儿童城堡在周一不开…我的孩子们会说："这是冒险的一部分！",并且一切都还好，我们并没有因为那些事儿而过于恼怒。
当你买的漂亮的杯子不可避免的在某一天摔碎了，你会很生气。但如果你能在得到它的第一天起就认为它已经摔碎了。你知道这总有一天会发生。做一个时间旅行者，或者拥有一双能穿越时间的眼睛，去看看这个杯子的未来，从现在到它最终被打碎。
然后，当它真的被打碎时，你就不会太生气了。因为它早就被打碎了，从你得到它那天起。而后你就会发现之前你拥有它的时光是那样珍贵。
期望你的孩子把自己弄脏吧，所有孩子都会这么做。当他们把自己搞脏时，不要生气。
期望你的伙伴不要那么完美。
期望你的朋友有时候不露面。
期望事情不要安装计划发展。
期望人们有时候变得粗鲁。
期望你的同事偶尔不接电话。
期望你的室友有时候会不洗盘子也不收衣服。
期望，杯子被打破。
然后接受。
你无法改变那些必然发生的事情，它们终会发生。你要做的就是期望它们发生，甚至在发生前就把它们看作已经发生的事实，那么你就不会那么恼怒了。
你不会表现过分。你会很合适的做出回应。你可以和当事人谈谈他们的行为，平心静气的请求他们考虑一下你的感受…你不会过于情绪化以至于把事情搞得更加复杂。
你会微笑，思考，"这是我所期望发生的。杯子早就摔碎了。我可以接受。"
你的内心会很安静。我的朋友们，这是一个多么受欢迎的小惊喜啊。
