ZHANG Haifeng, a 19-year-old medical student at Lanzhou University, has an odd habit when it comes to breaking up with his girlfriends.
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He does it via the Internet. Once, he broke up with a girl by e-mail. With his next girlfriend, he broke up by QQ messaging.
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He always began the message with, "I have to tell you something", and then explained that they weren`t compatible. He apologized to the girls at the end of his message, and he wished them good luck.
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"If I want to break up with someone, I think it is best done sooner rather than later ...When you face them, you must prepare for their reactions -crying, arguing, bargaining or begging," Zhang said. "But when I send an e-mail, or leave a message on QQ, I can just tell things directly and clearly. When they receive the message, they are always at home and in private, so they will feel safe enough to respond emotionally."
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Zhang`s desire for a "medium" for breaking up may be universal these days. Followers of the hit US TV series Sex and the City may remember that one of Carrie Bradshaw`s boyfriends broke up with her via a Post-it note.
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The man scribbled on a sticky square of yellow paper: "I`m sorry, I can`t. Don`t hate me."
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It may have seemed cruel and childish to fans of the TV drama, but seven years later, it just seems so old-fashioned.
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According to a story on the US magazine Newsweek, the Post-it breakup now belongs to an ancient era - the pre-Facebook, pre-texting times.
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In a more contemporary depiction of break-up fashion, US actress Drew Barrymore says in the 2009 film He`s Just Not That Into You: "I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he e-mailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies…It`s exhausting."
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Newsweek cited the work of Ilana Gershon, an assistant professor of communication and culture at Indiana University in the US, who once asked her students what makes a bad breakup. According to Gershon, her students all responded with tales of outrage about the medium rather than the message, complaining that they got the bad news by text or by social networking sites like Facebook, rather than in person.
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Inspired by this finding, Gershon decided to study how new technology has changed the rules of romance. In her new book, The Breakup 2.0: Disconnecting Over New Media, Gershon wrote that almost all the people she talked to agreed that the most honorable way to break up was in person, but many turned to new media because the face-to-face conversations didn`t get the results they wanted.
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Social networking sites play a significant and public role in young people`s romances these days, according to Gershon. Some people she interviewed will claim that a breakup isn`t official until it is "Facebook official". Others broke up over cell phone texting.
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Many of the people Gershon interviewed expressed a fond feeling for the "old days" when relationships were marked by real rather than virtual symbols of connection, like wearing a boyfriend`s fraternity pin or his varsity jacket.
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According to Gershon, a breakup has always been hard to do-whether it involves a tearful face-to-face confrontation or a short text message. "The only difference now," she told the magazine, "is that we might actually have 50 ways to leave a lover, and they all hurt."
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