John has posted before on the difficulty of getting small children to put on the clothes you want them to wear. Now comes a reader asking about the same topic but with a daughter in her twenties.

    This recent college grad, one of the many young working people living with their parents these days, has a conservative office wardrobe and the know-how to dress well for job interviews, says this mom. The problem is, she doesn't seem to use either when she gets ready each day for her job at a professional firm. She sometimes goes out the door without stockings, with shirt untucked or wearing a lace camisole, or jewelry better suited, in this mom's view, for Saturday night at a club. Much of what this young woman knows about dressing for the office, this mom writes, 'seems to have left her brain.' Many parents face the same issue with high-school kids, who often embrace styles that send Mom and Dad up the wall.

    Dressing for professional jobs is by no means easy for young women, as the Wall Street Journal's Christina Binkley has written. Casual dress is regarded as less acceptable for women than for men, leaving women to wrestle with a double standard when choosing a wardrobe. Are stockings necessary? Are super-high heels too sexy? In general, fashion seems to be trending toward more mature styles.

    Geraldine Kerr, a Morristown, N.J., marriage and family therapist, suggests opening the door to a respectful adult conversation. This young woman may be facing a dilemma over how to dress professionally without feeling older than her years, Ms. Kerr says. To help her weigh possible solutions, her mom might ask her if others dress casually in the office too, or if she has trouble finding professional clothes that are stylish as well as fashionable. Just listening, and serving as a sounding board, may help this young women find her own solutions.

    Going beyond that, and stepping into the role of advisor, would be risky to a relationship. Making mistakes is part of a young adult's making her own way, says Meg Meeker, a pediatrician and author on parenting issues. 'The most painful part is that we mothers can warn, cajole and plead with them but by the time they're in their twenties, we're hard-pressed to change their minds,' she says. The daughter's choices may 'cost her something she may lose out on a promotion or, at the very least, look like an adolescent,' Dr. Meeker says. But 'if she's going to excel … she'll wise up.'

    Readers, have you faced problems guiding your teen or young adult to dress appropriately? What techniques have worked for you?

    我的同事之前曾写过一篇关于如何说服小孩子按照家长的意愿穿着打扮的文章。现在，有一位读者提出了一个类似的问题，只不过她的女儿已经20多岁了。

    这个女孩子最近刚刚大学毕业，和许多年轻的上班族一样，她和父母同住。这位母亲说，她女儿的衣柜里有很多风格保守的职业装，并且知道面试时该如何打扮。但问题在于，她每天去一家正规公司上班时，却穿得很不讲究。有时候，她不穿裤袜就出门，衬衫也不束在里面，或者穿上蕾丝紧身无袖上衣，或者挂着各种首饰，以这个妈妈的眼光看来，像是周六去酒吧玩而不是去上班。上班时应该如何穿着得体的大部分知识“似乎都已经被抛到九霄云外去了”，这个妈妈写道。许多孩子正上高中的父母也面临同样的问题，这些孩子经常穿着奇装异服，让他们的父母极为恼火。

    本报记者克里斯蒂纳•宾克利(Christina Binkley)曾写道，对年轻女性来说，选择职业着装并不是容易的事情。女人穿着休闲比男人这么做更难以让人接受，这令女性在选择衣着时面临双重标准的问题，经常摇摆不定。穿裤袜有没有必要？高跟鞋是不是太性感了？等等等等。总体而言，流行时尚似乎正在倾向于更成熟的风格。

    纽约州莫里斯敦的吉拉汀•科尔(Geraldine Kerr)是一位婚姻及家庭咨询师，她建议父母要在此问题上与子女进行平等对话。科尔说，那个女孩子可能面临一个难题，既想穿着正式，又不想看上去很老气。为帮助她做出权衡，女孩的母亲可以问她是否办公室里的其他同事也穿得比较随意，或者她是不是找不到既得体又时尚的正装。通过倾听和平等探讨，可能就会帮助这个女孩找到适合自己的选择。

    然而，如果再进一步，对孩子的选择指手划脚，则可能会给两代人之间的关系带来风险。儿科医生及育儿领域作家麦格•米克尔(Meg Meeker)说，年轻人犯错误，也是他们自己成长的一种方式。“最痛苦的在于，我们这些做母亲的可以警告、劝说甚至恳求孩子们别去做什么，但等他们到了20多岁，我们说什么都没用。”麦格说道。那个女孩子的穿着选择可能“会让她失去一些东西，比如晋升机会等，或者至少会让她看起来很孩子气。” 麦格医生说，“如果她想出人头地…就会慢慢明白这个道理的。”

    各位读者，你有没有同样的问题，需要引导自己十几岁或已经成年的孩子穿着得体？有没有效果不错的技巧呢？