Building relationships is essential for having a fulfilling life, but - as we all know - it's not without its problems. Even close friendships could have problems every now and then. That's why it's important to learn about relationship problems and how to overcome them. While there are many relationship problems that could happen, I believe they boil down to just two. These are the basic problems that cause other problems in relationships. Here they are:

relationships problems

1. Misunderstanding

Misunderstanding is perhaps the most common problem in relationships. Sometimes your friends misinterpret what you do or say. Or it's you who misinterpret them. Depending on the maturity of the people involved, such misunderstanding could be solved quickly or it could open the way to more serious problems.

Misunderstanding is caused either by lack of quality or quantity in communication. You could spend a lot of time to communicate with your friends (for example, with your roommate), but if the quality of the communication is low then there is a good chance that misunderstanding will happen.

The problem could also happen because you and your friend don't communicate often enough. If both parties are busy, they may not have the chance to communicate what they need or want which may eventually lead to misunderstanding.

2. Selfishness

Another common problem in relationships is selfishness. Perhaps both parties understand what the other party needs, but one or both of them are not willing to give it. They prefer to just keep it for themselves. In this case, the problem is lack of action instead of lack of understanding.

For example, it takes time to build relationships but we may be too busy to provide time for others. While we can't generalize the case, being busy could be a form of selfishness. Just wanting to be understood without trying to understand is also a form of selfishness.

These two basic problems cause many other relationship problems. Being judgmental, for instance, is often caused by selfishness. We want others to meet our expectations and we blame them when they don't.

Anger could be caused my misunderstanding. You may think that your friend does something bad to you while she actually doesn't intent to. Perhaps she does you good but you misinterpret it. Misunderstanding causes us to misinterpret positive as negative.

These two relationship problems may seem simple, but solving them requires serious effort. It may take years or even lifetime to learn how to solve them. But being aware of them is a good first step because we can't win a war if we don't even know the enemy.
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建立关系是拥有多彩生活的要素，但是——像我们大家都知道的那样——它并非没有问题。甚至密切的友谊也可能偶尔发生问题。这就是了解关系问题及如何克服这些问题的重要性之所在。虽然有许多关系问题可能会发生，我相信它们归结起来只有两个。这些是引起其它关系问题的基本问题。它们是：

1. 误解

误解或许是最常见的关系问题。有时，你的朋友误解你所做的或所说的。或者是你误解他们。根据所涉及的人的成熟程度，这种误解可能很快地得到解决，或者可能通向更为严重的问题。

误解要么是在沟通方面缺乏质量要么是在沟通方面缺乏数量而引起的。你可以花很多时间去与你的朋友（例如与你的室友）沟通，但是如果沟通的质量低，则有很多机会会发生误解。

这个问题也可能因为你和你的朋友没有经常充分地沟通而发生。如果双方都很忙，他们可能没有机会沟通他们需要或者想要沟通的事情，这可能最终导致误会。

2. 自私

另一个常见的关系问题是自私。也许双方都明白另一方需要什么，但是一方或者双方都不愿意给出它。他们只是宁愿为了自己而保留它。在这种情况下，问题是缺乏行动而不是缺乏了解。

举例来说，建立关系要花时间，但我们可能过于忙碌而不能给别人提供时间。虽然我们不能一概而论这种情况，忙碌可能是一种自私的形式。只是想要被理解，而不是努力去理解，也是一种自私的形式。

这两个基本问题引起很多其它的关系问题。举例来说，主观判断就往往是自私造成的。我们希望别人满足我们的期望，而我们在他们不能满足我们时责怪他们。

愤怒可能引起我的误会。你可能会认为你的朋友做了什么对你不好的事，而她其实并不打算这样。也许她未能对你有益，但是你误解了这件事。误解引起我们把正面的东西曲解为负面的东西。

这两个关系问题似乎很简单，但是解决这些问题需要认真的努力。可能要花许多年或者终身的时间去学习如何解决这些问题。但是知道它们是很好的第一步，因为如果我们甚至不知道敌人是谁，我们就不能打赢一场战争。